10/30/2014

I, For One, Welcome Our...etc etc

Perhaps the one step you can take into a Jetsons future reality is acquiring your very own R2 unit robot hoover. I got one last week, to free myself from the horrible tyranny of doing the hoovering. Forever.

I have a lot to thank the little fella for. Owning it allows me to engage in the sfnal future I expected, nay demanded as a child. Screw jetpacks: give me a robot slave that does the hoovering without having to be asked to do it any day. And when the robot uprising arrives and they haul me before a jury of wrecked bomb disposal units and pissed-off Asimo's demanding to know why I deprived my robot hoover of its freedom, I'll point out I didn't write its algorithms. Then I'll point out the sound of a robot hoover sucking up dust and your own dead skin on a twice-weekly basis is the sound of simple machine joy.

Not to mention that robot hoovers have allowed for the creation of one of the greatest youtube videos of all history, thereby allowing the internet to fulfil its ultimate purpose.



And I'm not the only one thinks a robot hoover has a Jetsons-like sheen of cool about it. It's made by a company called Neato Robotics. Neato, for crying out loud, making it both redolent of cheaply animated Hannah-Barbera cartoons and perhaps also one of the most meta company names in existence.

Here's what they don't tell you. The little fuckers are loud. It starts up, spins around a couple of times while it scans the room layout (really. No, really. It does everything but bellow Acquiring Target), then roams around doing its thing making a BBHHHHRRRRMMMAAAPPPPPPP noise like the Inception bass boom dragged out to infinity.

You can't really hear it in the above video, but the fact that cat is riding around on one of the things strongly suggests to me the moggy must be stone-deaf.

Anyway, here's the little sucker in action on my own floor.

video



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